January 5, 1980. The top picture is me being carried by the fireman of the Elyria Fire Dept. The bottom post is the second half of the front page with a photo of the car and to the left of the photo is a small article about the accident. I have a flood of emotions when I see this page, which only gets pulled out once a year-after all why live with sadness and in the past?After this front page article, people actually called the paper and wanted to adopt me...and I still had a dad-albeit critically injured. I have a whole story to tell about this day but after 27 years, I am tired of repeating it, not that I can't, but just wore out from repeating endless details. And after all this is a blog, so if you want to know more, you have to email me-you know who you are!
Time rolls on and if it were not for my faith...an unpopular subject to some...I just don't know how I could have made it through a rotten stepmother experience, dressing for high school prom alone or worrying about bills at the tender age of 16. No you can't shake my faith on this one. In fact, I will go out on a limb and say it is arrogant of some of you to think you can live your life without God. Some things never change with me: faith or the fact that I cant STAND to see kids trashing their parents verbally or otherwise..but I have to remind myself that they dont know how I feel because, thankfully, they dont have my experience to sharpen them. I dont wish being motherless on anyone...esp. as a 10 year old.
A story: my son has been wearing a winter hat (Aris) that belongs to me. I told him to please not lose it because it was given to me at my 11th birthday, 6 days after this accident. He wanted to know about the hat and I told him a neighborhood mother gave it to me at the solemn birthday party. The neighborhood mothers got together and threw me this party. And I got this grey hat and gloves from Brian's mom, my playmate down the street. It was amusing to me that my son found the sad hat "cool" after all these years.
Today I was asked how I felt, you know, anniversary and all. I told that person that after this many years, the blow has been softened and my life has so drastically done a 360 that it almost seems unreal. But when I see the front page...it is like yesterday. Thank you God, for being there that day to comfort, to protect and to lead me to you. No matter what, your still GOD. Thanks for reading...
7 comments:
This seems like such a big thing to keep. A Talisman - of grief??? of healing??? of history???
I think in my early days of rage, I probably would have destroyed something like this. The closest thing I have is my Mother's death certificate. I hated that thing when I first got it. And I remember thinking I couldn't break it because it's such an "official" piece of paper.
But now I think I kept it because, it's proof she was alive. Odd huh - a death certificate as proof that my Mother once existed. With very few of her belongings - I think I have two 'cause everything else went missing - this piece of paper becomes kind of precious.
Hello, fellow Motherless daughter! I would love to talk with you about your experiences. It seems we have a lot in common -- we seem to be around the same ate (best I can tell, you were born in 1969 -- I was born in 1966), and we both lost our mothers very early in life (I was 6 as opposed to your 10). If your would like to talk, please write me at nahgiel@gmail.com. Thanks!
Lori-Thanks for your comments, I will post on your blog
tl- funny thing is i didnt get the death cert. till I was 18...couldnt handle it but then I got curious as to what she actually died from.
Annon: I will write you, thanks for visiting!
time DOES fly...Im thankful for the help we received on that day and for your awesome friendship!
i just happened to be on the internet searchin motherless daughters and stumbled across your blog. My mother and youngest brother were killed in a horrid head on collision 6 years ago. I and my middle brother were supposed to be in the car with her. While on our way home we drove upon the wreck, which lifeflight had blocked, and while waiting to pass i got the call that it was my mom. The officers would not let me near the scene. I can greatly relate to your feelings in your blog. And its always nice to know there is someone who knows how i feel.
I had been on google search because I'm on a journey myself. I was 2 when I Mother had died. My older sisters were 9 ... I was surprised to see your blog. Anyways, I'll be back to read more of what you have to say... I just have one question though. You mentioned faith and God. I'm curious as to what faith are you referring to?
It is inspiring to read your story, I can relate in so many ways. I was motherless at 15, and am now 28 and a new Mom myself. I started my own Motherless Daughters blog and will continue to get inspiration from your musings. Thank you.
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